


I'll Always Have Hell in My Head

by keithkolame



Category: Soul Eater
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Crona (Soul Eater), Implied/Referenced Suicide, Nonbinary Crona (Soul Eater), Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, crona is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:02:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25238923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keithkolame/pseuds/keithkolame
Summary: crona gets to live life at school and even though the situation is 1000x better than before, they still can’t get past the hell in their head. gonna b multi-chaptered, honestly mainly writing this as a vent fic and bc theres not a ton of crona angst on here. there will be self harm and references to suicide later on so be warned!
Kudos: 17





	I'll Always Have Hell in My Head

“Crona? Crona!”

Crona heard Maka before they saw her. They quickly wiped away tears with their sleeve and attempted to compose themselves as Maka entered the room. 

“Hi Maka,” Crona sniffled. 

“Crona!” Maka grinned widely at them. “What’s wrong?” She asked, her smile fading upon seeing the tears. 

“Oh, you know, the usual,” Crona answered simply. 

“Please elaborate.”

“I still don’t know how to deal with any of this. I should be okay by now, right? This is my fault,” Crona responded, keeping their gaze firmly at their feet.

“You’ve been through so much bad stuff. How could anyone in your situation be okay? It’s not your fault. Nothing is your fault,” Maka reassured.

There were a lot of days like this. Days where Crona couldn’t take it anymore and they’d just fall apart. It had been almost half a year since Crona arrived, and sometimes it didn’t seem like things were getting much better at all. Sometimes it seemed like things were getting worse. But then they’d get a smile or a good day or what seemed like progress and it kept hope alive. But the hope was misplaced.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. All I do is worry you and bother everyone and I’m not fun to be around. I should just die,” Crona grieved. 

That what the fourth time this week they’d mentioned dying and it was only Tuesday morning. That was getting more frequent. The thoughts telling them to just kill themselves already. The urges to hurt themselves. Maka had definitely noticed. 

“Crona, please don’t talk like that. We love you. Please don’t die on me. I will go with you to the counselor, you should talk to a professional. It will help. It helped me when my parents split up.”

Crona had refused to talk to anyone, including the school counselor, when Maka had mentioned it in the past. They weighed it in their head, imagining a scale with stones representing the pros and cons of going to talk to someone. Hearing that it had helped Maka put a stone on the pros side, but it was still laughably outweighed.   
“I can’t. I don’t deserve help, Maka. I don’t even deserve to be here! You should’ve just given me back to my mother and let her kill me.”

Maka grabbed Crona by the collar and dragged them out of their dorm and toward the library. She stopped when they reached an area the group was hanging out in. Soul, Black Star, Tsubaki, Kid, Liz, and Patty were all there. Crona remembered that Maka had invited them to this, but they’d refused. 

“Will everyone please tell Crona that we love them and that they deserve to be alive. They’re being stubborn,” Maka demanded. 

The group immediately began an outpour of love and support that left Crona wide eyed. 

“You guys don’t have to lie for my sake. Trust me, I know I’m no fun to be around. I have to be around me all the time,” Crona quickly interrupted, not knowing how to reply to all the nice statements. 

“Crona! Stop! We love having you around. It’s okay,” Tsubaki said. 

“It’s pretty cool being friends with you, Crona,” Soul said. 

“Ditto,” Black Star added. “What?” He said upon receiving glares. “I’m not good with words.”

“I’m willing to overlook the fact that your hair is uneven for you!” Kid added. “But could we maybe actually talk about that someti-“

Liz cut him off with a whack on the head. “We love you Crona.”

Patty giggled and nodded in agreement. 

Crona heard their words but couldn’t believe them. They’d been lied to and manipulated so many times in their life. Their head told them the exact opposite of what their friends were saying. Maka was making them say all this. Not wanting to argue, they just kept their gaze glued to their lap and mumbled an apology.


End file.
